And the Wimp Award goes to...

Soo... I started this year with a new determination to tackle this weight once and for all, BUT that failed quickly. I can give myself at least 9 reasons why I haven't been going to the Y as much, eating more than usual and eating anything within reach... BUT it doesn't change the bottom line. I've gained 10 pounds this year!!! Horrible!!! Thursday morning was the sum of all things awkward. Every Tuesday and Thursday morning I take an aerobic step class. Before Christmas I was one of the people who set the bar for the entire class! Everyone would stop at some point, but NEVER me!! The Unbreakable Team Included: Mrs. Amanda, the 87 year old... David, the married military guy... and Sharon...  the nice, funny one that amazes everyone because she's the biggest, but she never stops! That's me!! Last Thursday I couldn't finish! I COULDN'T do it!! My stomach was killing me, my legs weighed more than I remembered! I have an entirely new understanding of how asthmatics feel! I wish I had thought to tell them that I caught asthma over the break!!

 What's going on with me? a lot... Over the holidays I spent a lot of time with people who were suffering and I resorted to my own feel good escape. I was certainly out of my routine, but I can't pretend that I didn't expect the scale to reflect my diet. However I was very disappointed to see how quick my endurance in the gym vanished. It's a up hill battle and I feel like I'm back at square one.

Saturday I recommitted to recommit to weight loss. I'm back to counting calories and I've cut out meat and bread for a week. My goal is to get back into my workout routine. Which is once a day minimally, but shooting for twice a day.

I'm having a low motivation moment. It just seems a bit overwhelming to have to lose the weight of a healthy teenager. AKA Taylor Willis! But that's better than where I started... losing a grown ass man! AKA Larry Sparkman! It really comes and goes. What's your motivation to exercise? What do you think my motivation should be?

Thanks for reading and feed back is good!

Can I "Easy Tone" the Junk in my Trunk?

Over the break I purchased Easy Tone Reeboks as a Christmas present for myself. You know how when you get new shoes you feel more athletic than you really are? Partly because the shoes are new and partly because they look cool. Well... when you wear a size 10 wide in shoes... you tend to miss the second part of shoe shopping all together. In the sexy Reebok commercial, the girl's shoes were cute and attractive... pink, purple, my favorite green. The only color they had in 10 wide was white... nurse working the night shift at the hospital white. You might suggest I try another store... I traveled to or called 11 stores between Hattiesburg and Tupelo!  And ordering from the internet would have added another 30 dollars not including shipping! Therefore, I have since decided that the girl in the Reebok commercial is rooting against me. She clearly wants me to fail! She doesn't believe that the Easy Tone Reeboks can rearrange the junk in my trunk! I'll show her! I'll show all of em!! Note to future Easy Toners: wearing them to your aerobic class BEFORE walking ANYWHERE first is a bad idea. You might feel off balance and your feet might start hurting... causing you to take them off in the middle of class at the YMCA! Acting like you at yo 'house or something, but thankful that your socks were clean and without holes! All I can say is SEXY IS BACK!!

The Pursuit of Pretty

Let's start with a story. When I was a little girl every year my grandmother and aunt would buy Easter dresses for me and my sister Lodina. We didn't have money growing up, but every Easter I knew that I would have a new dress to show off on Sunday. Looking back I remember them calling us over to grandma's house and holding them up for us to see. I immediately ran for the pink dress with the beautiful flowers, shimmery fabric and pink shoes to match! A millisecond later (with no harm intended) I was told ... "that one is for Lodina, this one's for you." My dress was blue. Year after year I trained myself to quickly figure out which one was prettier and more girly. Then go toward the other one with as much enthusiasm as I could muster up. In all the years that they bought our dresses... I never picked the wrong one again.

In case you missed the title... this blog is about my own pursuit of pretty. But what does that mean exactly? Last year I had to face a few things in the mirror. It all started when I took a picture of myself in a bathing suit. I don't swim the picture was a planned reality check, but the reality hit me like a ton of bricks. Pictures aren't accompanied by my amazing personality. Pictures can't reveal my witty charm that gets me through the daily grind. That picture left me speechless. Last year I managed to lose 45 pounds and keep it off... most of the time! However, I was confronted with another valuable lesson: my pursuit of pretty runs much deeper than my dress size. I started to ask more questions: When I was in my teens... why did I go to flannel shirts... never dresses or skirts? Why didn't I get the ears pierced or desire to try wearing make-up or want to carry a purse? What happened? When did I start feeling left behind in beauty school and decide to give up all together?

I tossed up two titles for this blog... the runner-up was "Finding or Facing the Ugly Truth." I want to document my pursuit of pretty because a lot of the things it's brought up has been an ugly truth. When I saw the picture in the swimsuit I could no longer deny that I'm morbidly obese (100+ over weight). It's like a bad movie where you can predict the ending after the first scene! This blog will help me stop avoiding it and continue to face the mirror. I want to revisit the past, live in the present and share new perspectives that are literally saving my life. I'll also let you in on the random competitions in my head that motivate me and who knows what else!

If you're reading this... I guess I'm offering you a window in. Maybe we'll both discover something we didn't know or have minimized along the way. My hope is that it'll be beautiful for all of us!