The Pursuit of Pretty

Let's start with a story. When I was a little girl every year my grandmother and aunt would buy Easter dresses for me and my sister Lodina. We didn't have money growing up, but every Easter I knew that I would have a new dress to show off on Sunday. Looking back I remember them calling us over to grandma's house and holding them up for us to see. I immediately ran for the pink dress with the beautiful flowers, shimmery fabric and pink shoes to match! A millisecond later (with no harm intended) I was told ... "that one is for Lodina, this one's for you." My dress was blue. Year after year I trained myself to quickly figure out which one was prettier and more girly. Then go toward the other one with as much enthusiasm as I could muster up. In all the years that they bought our dresses... I never picked the wrong one again.

In case you missed the title... this blog is about my own pursuit of pretty. But what does that mean exactly? Last year I had to face a few things in the mirror. It all started when I took a picture of myself in a bathing suit. I don't swim the picture was a planned reality check, but the reality hit me like a ton of bricks. Pictures aren't accompanied by my amazing personality. Pictures can't reveal my witty charm that gets me through the daily grind. That picture left me speechless. Last year I managed to lose 45 pounds and keep it off... most of the time! However, I was confronted with another valuable lesson: my pursuit of pretty runs much deeper than my dress size. I started to ask more questions: When I was in my teens... why did I go to flannel shirts... never dresses or skirts? Why didn't I get the ears pierced or desire to try wearing make-up or want to carry a purse? What happened? When did I start feeling left behind in beauty school and decide to give up all together?

I tossed up two titles for this blog... the runner-up was "Finding or Facing the Ugly Truth." I want to document my pursuit of pretty because a lot of the things it's brought up has been an ugly truth. When I saw the picture in the swimsuit I could no longer deny that I'm morbidly obese (100+ over weight). It's like a bad movie where you can predict the ending after the first scene! This blog will help me stop avoiding it and continue to face the mirror. I want to revisit the past, live in the present and share new perspectives that are literally saving my life. I'll also let you in on the random competitions in my head that motivate me and who knows what else!

If you're reading this... I guess I'm offering you a window in. Maybe we'll both discover something we didn't know or have minimized along the way. My hope is that it'll be beautiful for all of us!