A Tell of Two Cities

I live in two cities. During the past school year I spent most weekday days in Hattiesburg and most nights and weekends in Jackson. I look good. My clothes fit better and I've shopped a few times. I feel pretty, but somethings missing... until a HE agrees with me, it doesn't feel valid.  I've always been somewhat of a late bloomer and I think my harmones are about 16 years old these days! Here's what people haven't figured out... Jackson is full of beautiful men. Beautiful Black Men to be more specific. Everywhere you turn there are these beautiful creatures... leading things and talking about important matters, talking to seemingly important people, but they aints talking to me! WHY!!! I'm soo funny, super smart (average smart), but super insightful to make up for it! Why aren't you validating my new found flirty fashion? This amazing ethic hair I rock? I'm more of a sista-sista than ever! My primary love language is words of affirmation, second to quality time but even words lose their value without quality time to back them up. I love my friends in Jackson because I'm still an out of town friend visiting. I haven't over stayed my welcome and quality time is a daily item on the menu. Here's what I'm discovering these days... I have boundary issues. I so yearn for meaningful relationships with men that I project whatever I want to see in the relationship and/or over analyize every text, encounter or lack there of! Do you remember those adoring qualities that I listed a few lines up (funny, insightful)? Well... its those same qualities that get me landed into the friend zone for life! I'm a great friend, the world's best buddy and really funny! I can't help that. I've tried, but you can't fight the funny people! I give decent advice, I'm a listener and a talker too! Sound familiar? I'm the BEST MAN! NOOOOOO!!! Well... this summer I have really enjoyed reconnecting with my old girlfriend Rachel. Rachel lives in Jackson and has seen my failed attempt to leap out of the friend zone face to face. After processing the debts of my despair she decided to coach me on Flirting 101. The break down: eye contact, active listening, laughing at their jokes, engaging questions, light touch on the arm or leg when possible, and my favorite the eye wink. I know what you're thinking... "Sharon, you do those things naturally all the time! Yay!! I'm sure you passed with flying colors!!" HELL TO THE NO I DIDN'T! It was awful! When I showed Rachel my eye wink she said I quote "For the love of God... don't ever do that again." She went on to say that it looked like a animal in heat, but she's never seen that animal before. Seriously? Seriously. Did I mention she's a great teacher, but brutally honest! After my 101 lesson, we went out on an outing to test the waters. The guy was a hottie... not a stranger, but not in the friend zone yet either.  I invited him to join a group of us after the show. The table is set... me, hottie and teacher Rachel all seated together. It's go time. Go. Eye contact... Active listening... engaging question... SWEAT ON THE NOSE!!! AHHHHH!!! DETOUR! ABORT!!! Just when all seemed lost... here comes teachie teach Rachel to save the day. Rachel takes over the conversation. Eye contact... Active listening... engaging question... laughing at jokes... (is she coming on to him? she's married...) she looks a me and winks... (is she coming on to me??) NOOO... Wait!! I see what she's doing! She's showing me how its done! After a the visual lesson, Rachel lets me take the wheel again. At the end of the night I would say it was a step in the right direction! Now... if I can figure out if he likes girls or boys. Seriously? Seriously. I'll unpack that in another entry! Although the flirting lesson is waaay overdue and has really made the summer a ton more fun... it's not the most important lesson I've learned. I feel like I connect with people in Jackson because they understand the artist in me. I connect with people in Hattiesburg because they anchor me in my faith journey. There is certainly cross over in both worlds, but I'm realizing how much I need that balance. I'm better when I can create art with people I genuinely love. I'm also better when I spend quality time with people who love me and point me to the Creator's love. I'm better because of both cities, but at the same time to live in two places can mean you're not ever fully present anywhere. I had dinner with a friend this week who said. "Sharon, you can't seriously expect to date and eventually get married when you're a visitor everywhere you go." It's a valid point, but it leaves me without a catchy summary to conclude this entry. In the meantime... I'll keep working on my winking skills! :)